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RYAN REYNOLDS WANTS BLOODY NIPPLES
A man wiser than me once said, “Show me the most beautiful girl in the world, and I’ll show you a guy that’s tired of banging her.” At it sounds like Van Wilder is already getting tired of banging...
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NIKE’S SAN FRANCISCO MARATHON IS GAY
Arien O’Connell finished the Nike Women’s Marathon in San Francisco with a personal best time of 2:55:11, nine minutes faster than the next fastest runner. She did not, however, win the race.Because...
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DAMN RIGHT.
Yesterday, we joined voices and became a single Arien Nation in support of Arien O’Connell, the fastest runner at Nike’s Women’s Marathon who was denied victory because she didn’t declare herself...
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WELL THAT SUCKS
You can rent some Florida Panther Ice Dancers for the budget price of $100 an hour, but be warned: it’s not like “renting” those women from the ads in the Village Voice. In fact, now that I’ve seen...
View ArticleHERE IS A NICE HOCKEY HIGHLIGHT
The Panthers’ Richard Zednik scored what turned out to be the game-winning goal by leaping over the Islanders’ Brendan Witt, then sliding the puck into the net — a series of actions that are apparently...
View ArticleHOCKEY JUST GOT SEXY
Many times I’ve thought to myself, “Y’know, I really want to like watching hockey on TV, but there are just never enough bare tits for my liking.” And while that statement is actually true in any...
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DREW ROSENHAUS’ LATEST CLIENT – UPDATED
UPDATE: It’s just a GD viral marketing campaign. Well, good on them. Maybe for 2010-2011 they can drown Gary Bettman in the Gulf of Mexico. If you’ve ever followed Drew Rosenhaus on Twitter, you...
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KEITH BALLARD BROKE HIS OWN GOALIE
I don’t get these guys that get off on damaging equipment whenever they botch a play. Take Panthers defenseman Keith Ballard. Dude gets beat by a cherry-picking Ilya Kovalchuk and then inexplicably...
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Pick Your Nose, Pick Your Poison, Now Pick Your Season Ticket Price Plan
If Classy Cat ran the Panthers, they would sell out every game. He’s just so persuasive.This may come as a shock to some of you, but it’s hard for a hockey team to survive in South Florida. I have no...
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NHL Vet Found Dead As Hockey’s Macabre 2011 Rolls On
The summer has not been kind to hockey.In May, New York Rangers left winger Derek Boogaard mixed alcohol and oxycodone and died. Earlier this month, Winnipeg Jets forward Rick Rypien killed himself,...
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Go To A Florida Panthers Game, You Might Go Home With A Piece Of Your...
So, uh, this is pretty gross. The Florida Panthers visited Washington to play the Capitals on Friday, and (bad segue alert) I am going to type in CAPITAL LETTERS about how gross it was when Panthers...
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THE CAPITALS ARE IN THE PLAYOFFS
The Washington Capitals insured a playoff berth by beating the Florida Panthers 3-1 last night. And here I thought every NHL team goes to the playoffs. Anyway, Alexander Ovechkin will play some more...
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RUNNERS ARE DUMB
To prepare for a marathon, you have to spend months building up endurance through repeated agonizing, knee-killing training runs, having your nipples bleed and buying lame singlets that get you laughed...
View ArticleMIAMI ARENA WENT BOOM
The former home to the Miami Heat and Florida Panthers got all implode-y over the weekend, and here’s the video. Why? Because shit getting wrecked is fun to watch. Hooray, entropy! Notice how every...
View ArticleRYAN REYNOLDS WANTS BLOODY NIPPLES
A man wiser than me once said, “Show me the most beautiful girl in the world, and I’ll show you a guy that’s tired of banging her.” At it sounds like Van Wilder is already getting tired of banging...
View Article“Ooops Upside Ya Head!”– The NHL Edition
In the Army, there’s a term known as fratricide–which essentially means “friendly fire.” When you shoot someone who is on your side. In the NHL, the term “Ballardcide” needs to be trademarked thanks...
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How Many People Were At The Florida Panthers Game Monday Night?
Twitter/John Morales According to the Florida Panthers, there were 7,311 fans at Monday night’s game against the Ottawa Senators. These pictures suggest otherwise. Someone forgot to tell Florida...
View ArticleA Florida Panthers Coach Suited Up In Full Gear After Both Goalies Got Hurt
Rob Tallas! pic.twitter.com/zylVbwnXCe — Ted Starkey (@TedStarkey) March 4, 2015 The hockey game between the Florida Panthers and Toronto Maple Leafs took a fantastic turn on Tuesday night as Panthers...
View ArticleA Postgame Melee Broke Out, And Florida’s Announcer Had Some Bizarre Insults...
The Florida Panthers had their 12-game winning streak snapped in Vancouver on Tuesday night when the Canucks’ Daniel Sedin managed to pot the game’s winning goal in overtime. Immediately following the...
View ArticleA Florida Panthers Reveals His Strange Obsession In A Hilarious Interview
Sometimes a headline doesn’t entirely encapsulate a story; that is not the case here. Aaron Ekblad of the Florida Panthers is obsessed with seashells in this 3-minute interview conducted by teammate...
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